


Is and Was

by TheHeartOfShadows



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bondage, Bottom!Win - Freeform, Captain Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Child Abuse, Commander Erwin Smith, Dark Fic Fest, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Happy Ending, Gay Sex, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Resolution, Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:15:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25232263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHeartOfShadows/pseuds/TheHeartOfShadows
Summary: Before Levi, Farlan, and Isabel were recruited into the Survey Corps, they made it a point to ruin the business of child traffickers within the Underground. The slavers always screamed that, one day, “pretty boy” Levi would be called to pay for his crimes against their organisation, but then Commander Erwin Smith brought him and his friends to the surface.After the successful reclamation of Wall Maria, Queen Historia approaches the Captain with a proposition to bring orphans of the Underground to the surface, and he agrees to help her by guiding her through the streets of his childhood. However, on that day, Levi receives a grim reminder that the shadow of his past was always lurking just around the corner.Important notes: Mike Zacharias never encountered the Beast Titan. Kenny Ackerman survived Rod Reiss’ shift, & Queen Historia allowed him to stay as a Captain within the Military Police; Kenny gave Levi the titan serum (which he used on Armin), but Levi did not ask Kenny what his relationship was with his mother. Floch died instead of Commander Erwin Smith in the charge against the Beast Titan.Spotify Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3wuZH3pfNfTN5Z7JFSZvTN?si=9l5ynuRRRB-5SSbHaMzjZQ
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 63
Kudos: 280





	1. Bumblebees Lazily Buzzing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is dark; you have been warned. Comment moderation has been enabled. 
> 
> CW: non-sexual mentions of child trafficking, kidnapping, non-consensual drug administration, implications of sexual assault
> 
> I do not condone or endorse any of the aforementioned warnings.

**_I Used To Be_ **

_I used to be a body_

_But now I am a name_

_A personality and voice_

_Drifting off the path to where no one dare venture_

_The cloth unfurled in my hands_

_A display of glorious colors revealed_

_A broken mold_

_And unraveling tapestry_

_Heart beating, eyes seeing, legs running_

_Forward into the deep murky unknown of my new destiny_

_Into the future of my choosing_

_Never looking back_

_No longer blind of the endless possibilities_

_Vying to claim what I want_

_I becoming me_

_Who I am now_

_Heading towards who I’m going to be_

**_\-- Gabrielle Blakeway_ **

Wisps of clouds were painted in shades of pinks and orange, the horizon set ablaze by fading twilight. The creep of evening cast the hollow faces of the few members of the Survey Corps gaunt. Their dark eyes were low, scarred hands busy with readying the horses for the ride back to their headquarters from Queen Historia’s palace. 

Levi secured the double bridle onto his horse, its leather bands freshly polished just that afternoon. His hands danced around her poll before tracing down the muscular length of her forehead. He thumbed the warmth of her muzzle before taking a step closer. The horse’s lips nibbled on his fingers as he brought himself onto the tips of his toes, his brow just barely brushing above her nostrils. The gentle lift of a corner of his lips dimpled one pale cheek. His hands fell to his sides again. 

Delicate footsteps crunched the crumbles of cobblestone behind him. 

“Captain Levi,” the Queen murmured. 

He turned around to face her, his hand lacing around one rein. 

“Could I speak to you privately for a moment, please?” 

A crease furrowed his thin brows. The last thing he wanted to do was to delay their departure. 

“Make it quick,” he sighed, following her. 

The winding cobblestone path gave way to glass stepping stones. Tall blooming rose bushes hedged their edges, fat bumblebees lazily buzzing about bright petals above their bowed heads. The flowers ended at a circular clearance. Its entrance was lined with clean bird baths. Darts of yellow canaries splashed about the water as Historia led Levi to the center of the quiet courtyard. 

Her hand clutched at the folds of her white skirt before she sat on a high marble bench, her shoes clinging to her dainty feet by just her toes as their heels clicked against the glass beneath them. Levi haunted the courtyard’s rim with his arms crossed over his chest. He felt the blue of her eyes upon his back before he turned to face her again. 

“Thank you for humoring me,” a smile warmed the apples of her cheeks. 

He cocked an eyebrow. 

“What do you want?”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about my childhood while the Scouts were gone,” she worried her lip. “I thought about how so many of my friends’ lives were changed when Wall Maria fell. So many lost their parents, like Eren and Mikasa. . .” 

Her voice trailed off for a moment, her slender hands wringing in her lap. 

“And then,” their eyes met, “I thought about all of the things that you might have gone through while living in the Underground.” 

Levi brought himself to his full height, a scowl flashing across his face: the audacity of this child to speak about something she knew nothing about. 

“From what I’ve heard, orphans are so much more common there than they are anywhere else within the Walls.” 

He nodded when she paused, nerves flitting about her face like birds. 

“If people feel unwanted or unloved or unneeded, all I want to do is to prove them wrong. I want to show them that there really are people who care about them, like what my sister, Freida, did for me when I was little and had no one.” 

She scratched her neck, peach blotches blossoming beneath her fingers. 

“Get to the point,” Levi buried his hands in the pockets of his military trench coat as he took a step towards Historia. 

“I want to round up all of the orphans that I can find from the Underground and bring them to the surface.” 

He stood before her. Her face turned up to him, cheeks still plump with youth. His eyes closed, and memories of clouded orbs held in the sallow depths of starving innocence burned him.

“Captain,” she pressed on as she rose to her feet. “To get this done, I need help from someone I can trust who knows the Underground.” 

Her hand reached out to grip his bicep, bringing him back to the peace of disparaging wealth all around them. 

“Please, help me give these kids the life I never had, the life _you_ never had.” 

Levi’s stomach lurched at her whispered words. It truly was an opportunity he could never let slip through his calloused fingers.

“What do you want me to do,” his hand clasped over the little girl’s spindly knuckles. 

She withdrew and wrapped her arms around her sides, her eyes bright in the fall of quiet darkness. 

“Stay behind at the palace tonight. Tomorrow, first thing in the morning, guide me through the Underground to all of the orphanages you remember, and we can start bringing kids to the surface immediately.” 

He clenched his teeth against the threat of a trembling jaw. 

“Let’s fucking do it.” 

And, for the second time that day, Levi smiled despite himself. 

*******

The quiet marketplace and the knitted houses were awash in hues of morning blue. Delicate dew kissed the cold windows, distorting the collection of their passing reflections. Then, Levi halted. He, Queen Historia, and a handful of Military Police stood on the first landing of the cracked stairs that led to the towering entrance doors of the Underground. The chipping mahogany had the Three Goddesses carved into their aged wood, their twisted iron handles worn to silver in places from ages of use by weary hands. 

Levi’s fingers had never touched that metal before, but, in front of him were the very doors that had closed behind his back once, signaling the end of a very long, very painful chapter of his life. 

It was unheard of for the dregs of the Underground to ever taste the freedom of the surface. He had his Commander to thank for giving him the chance to fill his scorched lungs with clean breaths and to feel the fullness of the sun against his scarred flesh. His old bones would pay Erwin back with all of the strength their marrow could ever possess. 

Yet, his worn soles had brought him back to the threshold of his past. He took a step forward, his heart racing like he was tempting fate as his steady hand reached out to throw open a new time in his life -- no, a new time for the little lives yet unlived beneath his feet. 

The doors creaked open, the squeal of their rusted hinges echoing through the depths of the cavernous hallway. Levi smelled nostalgia as a blast of stale air danced past his black tendrils. He cast a look over his shoulder. 

Historia’s face paled, the darkness of the Underground swallowing the sunlight in her eyes as she came to stand at Levi’s side. 

“Let’s go,” he jerked his chin at the MPs. 

Then, he willed himself to take the first step, and they were plunged into the shadows. 

Spluttering lamplight lit up puddles of rancid piss as their company’s scuffed boots kicked up the red dust of the snaking Underground roads. They wove through alleyways lined by rotten houses. Queen Historia caught glimpses of shivering people made of nothing more than skin and bones between withering wood boards and disintegrating cement -- remnants of ugly houses and uglier lives. 

Levi walked a pace or two ahead of them, his low eyes ever careful to steer them clear of the cacophonies of rasping whispers that ghoulishly rose from the umbra’s edges. Historia strode to catch up to Levi, her fingers catching the elbow of his Survey Corps trench coat. His eyes flicked to her face before returning to the ruins that had birthed the boy he once was. 

“Is it true that Commander Erwin practically dragged you kicking and screaming from here,” she blurted out, trying to keep pace with him. 

“Mike helped him,” he huffed, rolling his shoulder to free himself of her grip. 

Her hand fell, and she chewed her cheek. 

“What were you doing before they brought you to the surface?” 

“I had some friends, Isabel and Farlan, who helped me fuck shit up down here for some real shitty people,” a groan tumbled from his lips as he jammed his fists into his pockets. “ _Fuck_ , those shitholes weren’t even people, not really.” 

Historia’s brows furrowed. 

“What do you mean?” 

A muscle in Levi’s clenched jaw twitched. 

“Look,” his shoulders fell. “People drop dead down here all the fucking time because they have no money. So, when your stomach feels like it’s starting to eat _you_ , you’ll do just about anything to get your filthy hands on a moldy chunk of bread.” 

He paused, warily eyeing her. But she kept quiet, earnestly waiting for him to continue. 

“Monsters will hunt down little kids and sell them, just to be sure the tatters of their fucking clothes still fit over their crooked bones. So my friends and I made it our priority to make that shit as hard as possible for those assholes.” 

The memory of that venomous hiss through those blackened teeth made the hairs on his nape rise. 

_“One day, you’ll be paying for all the shit you’ve done,_ pretty boy _,” that monster of a man spat at his back as Levi’s stolen ODM gear shot him above the thatched roofs._

“Captain Levi,” Historia croaked from behind him. 

He hadn’t realized she had abruptly stopped walking beside him, his mind so lost in thought. In the darkness, he stoically blinked back his surprise and stood still

Eight men rose from the shadows before their company, flashes of yellow smiles leering down at them. Rumbling chuckles circled behind the MPs at Levi’s back as he slowly brought his hands out of his pockets. His wrist flicked his switchblade free while his narrowed eyes tried to make out the faces in the darkness. 

They were surrounded and outnumbered. 

“Look who finally decided to come home,” a chest roared with laughter. 

“Almost a decade since we last saw your scrawny ass,” a lanky man stepped into the flicker of oil light, his flesh pock-marked from a bloody lifetime of meth use, “but you’re still nothing more than a little _pretty boy_.” 

Ice filled his stomach when he realized who these men were. 

The drugwhore gestured at Levi with a machete, its fractured blade stained brown. Then his white knuckles raised the weapon over his head as he lunged forward, his arm swinging down on the place where Levi’s shoulders had been. Levi ducked under the man’s arm and side-stepped him as his knife sliced over the runs of his ribs. The machete clattered to the ground as the sex slaver collapsed. His arm flew to his side, rivers of red flowing through the cracks between the shaking fingers that desperately tried to hold his intestines inside of himself. His wild eyes held Levi’s. 

“Get her out of here,” Levi screamed, whipping around to the Military Police. 

A lanky man launched himself at the little girl, a fraying cloth clutched in the hand reaching for her. Before his arms could snake around her shocked shoulders, Levi threw his knife at him. The thin blade struck true in the depths of a wide eye. Howling as he fell backwards, the man’s gnarled hands clawed at his face and the warm handle. 

A splash of hot crimson spoiled Historia’s cheek, her jaw dropping as one of the MPs threw her over his shoulder and ran. The child traffickers charged forward, paying no more heed to the flailing little girl -- the richest person on their insignificant island -- as she screamed herself hoarse for the Captain. 

Levi was a flurry of bleeding knuckles and deadly strikes, but two more people replaced every body he dropped. Then, a shin smashed against his ankle as someone swept out one leg from beneath him. He crashed to the ground. 

His arms pushed his chest up as legs wrapped around his sides, straddling his back. The man drove his hips into his spine, thrusting his posture back into the dirt. Levi drove his elbows beneath himself again. A hand tore at a fistful of his hair, yanking his head back before smashing his face into the ground. The crack of his crushed nose echoed off of the alley walls. 

While he was dazed, other men’s hands slinked around his wrists, dragging his numb arms out from beneath his chest. Panting, the man on top of him wrenched his face from the ground. A heavy rag clapped over his broken nose and mouth, soaking up his blood as he sucked in the sickly sweet smell of Chloroform. 

The blade of the man’s forearm snaked over his neck, and his fist held Levi in place, wrinkling his dirtied trench coat. Levi jerked his arms free from the other men, but they didn’t try to restrain his hands anymore. His fingers dug into the track-marked forearm over his raw throat as his lavender lids began to flutter open and closed with exhaustion. Black stars burst about his wild vision, threatening to steal his consciousness from his bones. His bruised muscles faltered, and his limbs filled with lead as his fingers relaxed. The men cackled, hooting and hollering while they watched the fight leave Levi. His mind begged himself to get back up. 

He blinked once, twice, and. . . 

*******

Through the murkiness of fading and fleeting consciousness, Levi felt hands jerking his arms out of his trench coat. He watched his Wings of Freedom insignia on its back crumple to the floor, a bloodied boot trampling it as those worn soles made their way to stand over him. His vision tunneled when hands wielding rusted blades cut through the clean threads of his button-down shirt. Jeers screamed into his throbbing ears as nervous fingers fumbled with the leather belt around his waist. Bursting stars darkened his gray eyes while fists snatched his pants from his legs. Consciousness was lost to him as angry hands ran down the length of the black hair on his stomach to. . .

*******

Levi groaned, his hoarse throat dry as his burning lungs tried to breathe. His eyes fluttered open and squeezed shut against the flicker of dim candlelight. He tried to move his head but found his muscles still too weak to respond. His cheek felt raw against the grit beneath it. 

Feeling flooded his skin in tingles and shocks as he struggled against the scrape of tight rope. He jerked his arms but quickly realized they were tied behind his back from his elbows down to his wrists. His toes were numb from the binding around his bruised shins that pressed his aching calves against the backs of his thighs. 

“Oh good,” a voice sneered, his foul breath kissing down the length of Levi’s jaw as he spoke. “You’re finally awake.” 

A rough hand fell onto his forehead, and a thumb pulled his eyelid up. Levi grunted, trying to shy away from the touch. The hand fell from his face. His eyes shot open, and he flushed, suddenly quite aware that he was very naked. Fingernails raked through the stubble of his undercut before jerking his body up. As he was brought into a kneeling position, his muscles wept with stiffness. 

“Do you remember me,” the man’s nose traced his thin brow before pulling back, just an inch. 

Levi blinked, trying to focus his swirling vision. The man flashed him a smile, his rotten teeth black. 

“Because I remember you, _pretty boy_.” 

The Boss swiftly stood and went to a low table, his back blocking out the only candle as his hands fiddled about. 

His bones shaking, his brain still groggy, Levi’s mind wandered to the comfort of the many memories of sipping freshly-steeped tea. The rim of his porcelain cup would warm his fingertips as he kicked up his socks onto the edge of his Commander’s desk. 

Blackteeth made his way back to Levi and crouched before him, their faces level. The older man raised his hand, the glint of a needle catching the delicate flamelight. Then calloused fingers danced down the rising pulse in his slender throat. The man leaned forward to close the distance between them, their cheeks brushing as the Boss’ tongue tasted the lines of Levi’s ear. 

Erwin would look across the desk at him, his face warmed by a gentle smile for his Captain as they shared a kettle of Levi’s favorite blend. Those ocean eyes would soften just for him, little laughter lines crinkling up in their tan corners as the afternoon sunlight cast his office in shades of gold. 

The Boss’ arm reached behind Levi, and he hissed as that monster of a man hooked one finger around the binds at his wrists, pulling his arms out straight. He winced when he felt a prick in the crook of an elbow, the veins in his arm filling with thick ice. 

“And it’s time for you to pay up,” the Boss cooed into the shadows between his shoulder blades.


	2. A Kiss of Evergreen Pine and Warm Vanilla

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This & the following chapter were originally going to be posted as one, but I felt that the content of this chapter should stand on its own. The first chapter was mild in comparison to this one: be aware & do not read if you feel uncomfortable. 
> 
> CW: non-consensual alcohol consumption, non-consensual drug administration, non-sexual mentions of child trafficking, incorrect assumptions about virginity, sexual violence, rape
> 
> I do not condone or encourage any of the aforementioned warnings.

**_Imprisonment_ **

_I might continue on with that trauma_

_I might subside._

_Violation carries with it sensate boons of empathy_

_blue sky overrun with thanks_

_arched-back breath._

_You're afraid to ask me_

_“Are your tears painful?”_

_But I spear your question with a surplus love_

_shouting joy_

_as if there weren't a plea_

_tremulously groaned_

_“Share with me.”_

_It isn't just release_

_sweet freedom laughing out of doors_

_you and [ I ]regaled in bursts_

_iridescent meaning_

_hung in curve of lock_

_nape and open palm_

**_\-- Vircapio Gale_ **

Hands. There were so many hands. Grimy, cold, and rough against the ruins of his screaming flesh. Touching him, always touching him. There wasn’t a moment of fleeting consciousness in which there weren’t heavy fingers in his hair, tracing the rise and fall of the muscles in his throat, trickling down the length of his chest and stomach and. . .

He faded in. Nails dug into his nape, but the flash of pain as blood rose beneath the surface of his skin barely registered in his mind. Fingers spread and gripped the sides of his neck, gentle. His head rolled into the touch as his cheeks were pinched, his chapped lips parted. Smooth glass hit his lower teeth, and the smell of whiskey burned his flaring nostrils. His tongue ached for anything, his dry mouth desperately on fire for moisture. The hand dipped his head back as the drink was poured. The alcohol hit the back of his throat, and his body rioted. His head jerked forward as his heavy lids shot open. 

The room was aglow with flickering candlelight that cast demonic shadows about the warped floorboards. Men, gnarled and towering, their lips pulled into wicked smiles that revealed the glint of ugly teeth, watched him with beady black eyes. Cheeks flushed, some rosy, all creased with that same greedy look his muddled mind couldn’t quite place just yet, but their ashen skin was green with it. 

Levi spluttered and coughed, the whiskey splashing so hot against his nakedness. Goosebumps licked up his bones as his empty stomach heaved. He doubled over, his aching muscles howling against the fraying cords of manila rope as his forehead hit the floor. The men were cacophonous as a hand grabbed a fistful of his hair and jerked him back onto his bloodied knees. 

His eyes narrowed at the man beside him, his swirling vision starting to come back into focus. He felt the stench of his breath against his cheek, and, disgusted, his nose wrinkled. 

“Pigs,” Levi croaked, his lips sneering. 

Hissing, the man yanked his head back farther. His undercut scraped against his shaking shoulders. He flinched as fingers pinched up his thigh, twisting and pulling at the bulges between the ropes as the hand made its way to the crease between his femur and pelvis. A thumb stroked his skin’s softness. Levi numbly blinked at the ceiling. 

What the fuck was happening to him? 

The hand left his leg as the lip of cold glass pressed against his again, forcing its way between his throbbing gums and teeth. 

“Drink,” another man leered into the hollow of his throat, his nose pressing against the dip under his jaw. 

Lips grazed over the lines of his ear. 

The bottle poured. Amber rivers rushed down his stinging cheeks as his wild eyes darted about the room. He choked, and the drink was pulled away. Gasping, the fingers fell from his hair to wrap around the rope binding his wrists, lifting his arms behind his back. His head fell forward, his busted chin touching his chest for a moment. 

A board creaked with the weight of a boot step, and Levi looked through the tangle of his black bangs at the men closing in on him. He winced at the sharp prick in the crook of his elbow, the veins in his arm flushing with thick ice again. 

His lids fluttered with the heaviness of drugs in his blood. Darkness edged his vision when he recognized the madness etched into the lines of the looming faces all around him. 

It was lust, raw and primal and _vicious_. 

*******

White sheets scratched beneath his arms, still tied behind his back from his blistering elbows down to his chafed wrists. Feet flat against the hard surface he laid on, his numb toes clenched and unclenched as he hoped beyond hope to bring feeling back to them. Voices around him were still muffled and muted, their quiet chuckles washing over him as if underwater. 

He groaned, his head rolling to rest his cheek against the cold sheet. Consciousness flooded his mind fast for once as his eyes fluttered open. His vision spun once, twice, and settled. He was positioned on a long marble pedestal at the center of a lonely stone stage. Rows and rows of comfortable benches ebbed into the darkness edging the crescent room’s first level. On the second level, empty benches peered down at him from between elegant arches, their crimson drapes drawn. He moved his head to look at the ceiling, squinting. Hanging above him was a chandelier that rivaled the ones gracing the pale hallways of Queen Historia’s palace, flickering candlelight casting drops of prisms through their crystal shards

Brown stains of little hand prints splattered the stage. Delicate footprints were smeared into the stone. His brain was still not as coherent as he had hoped, and so the marrow of his trembling bones bloomed with rage when his ears were deafened by the imagined memory of children’s screams. His stomach churned because he knew he was bound atop of the pedestal where kids were auctioned off to the perverse elite.

“Hello there,” a voice echoed off of the walls. 

Levi craned his neck around to find the person. Between his knees, he narrowed his eyes at the man who sauntered towards him, a brown bottle of booze held loosely in his hand. The man stopped beside his hips, smirking down at him as he smacked his bruised ribs with the bottle’s edge. 

“Have a good nap,” he sneered. 

Levi’s lips curled to show his teeth, his lower lip cracking. The man snorted and took a swig of his beer. His other hand fell onto Levi’s knee, a syringe held between his fingers like a cigarette. His thin brows fell, gray eyes widening as his heart leapt into his throat at the sight of it. The man’s gaze flicked from Levi’s face to the needle. 

“You hungry,” he asked, setting his bottle down by his bare feet. 

Levi scowled, shaking his head once; like hell he was about to accept anything from these pigs dressed as men. 

“Alright.” 

The man gripped Levi’s shoulder, his fingers pressing into the mural of yellow and green and purple bruises along his trap. He lifted him up as the hand holding the syringe went behind his back. 

“Fuck,” Levi rasped as the man lifted his arms out again. “Stop.” 

The man cocked his head at him, an eyebrow raised. 

“You wanna be awake?”

Levi’s heart raced, adrenaline pumping through his sluggish veins. Did he really want to know what happened to him while he was drugged? 

He nodded slowly, and the man laid him back down. His shoulder blades were sore as they dug into the marble beneath him. 

“Suit yourself,” the man shoved the syringe into his pocket, his eyes avoiding Levi’s face. 

He bent down to retrieve his beer and ambled away from him. His back dipped past Levi’s line of sight. 

“Well, Darryl, it looks like today’s your lucky day,” the man grunted as he pulled his stool closer to the card dealer. 

Darryl’s bloodshot eyes watched Sam warily. 

“I mean, it’s my day to have an hour with the bitch,” he spat out his lip of chewing tobacco into a cracked mug. “Not sure how much better it’s gonna get than that.” 

Darryl wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Sam took a final swig of his beer and tossed the empty bottle off of the stage. The tinkling of shattered glass rang out through the auction room. 

Levi flinched at the sound, straining to listen to the murmur of voices so far away. 

“He doesn’t want the drugs anymore,” Sam took the hand of cards dealt to him, shuffling through and reordering them. 

Darryl licked his lips, the small of his back already prickling with sweat beneath his t-shirt. 

“You ain’t fucking with me, yeah,” Darryl stood fast. 

Sam rolled his eyes while he waited for Austin to begin his play. 

“Yup,” he huffed. 

Darryl grinned, his giddy fingers fumbling with his belt buckle. 

Bare feet tiptoed to Levi, and he craned his neck to see. His jaw hit his chest, eyebrows shooting up into his hairline as the light left his eyes. His blood turned to ice when Darryl closed the distance between them, as naked as Levi. He smoothed out the wrinkles in the sheet beneath him, his fingertips brushing the edge of Levi’s ass. 

“What the _fuck_ do you think you’re doing,” Levi snarled as Darryl’s hands clapped onto his ass, his fingers reaching up to the sides of his hips while his thumbs dug into the crease between his cheeks and thighs. 

No man, no woman, -- _no one_ \-- had ever, _ever_ touched Levi like that. Dizzying revoltion made him sick. 

Darryl pushed him back a bit, the crown of his head hanging over the edge of the marble pedestal. Darryl’s eyes never left his white face. He climbed between Levi’s legs, his hands snaking up and down the tender bruises on his inner thighs. 

Levi’s skin crawled.

“Just enjoying the view,” Darryl grinned, his hazel eyes savoring the mottled cream of skin beneath him. 

Levi swallowed, unblinking when he felt Darryl’s hot erection pressing against his leg as his heavy hands explored his body. 

“Get the fuck off me,” Levi breathed in shock. 

He thought of his pleasant mother, her sweetheart face fading with the age of his memories. He thought of the little closet her gentle hands guided him into when customers came late into the lonely nights. He would always throw his favorite blanket over his head -- the one with moth holes he pretended looked like the stray cats that skittered through the alleys -- still young enough to be afraid of the dark. But his spindly hands clasping over his burning ears and the unfairness of time did nothing to soften the vile moans of men brutally fucking his mother while she bitterly sobbed, begging them with every fiber of her being to be softer, to be kinder. His breathing hitched, petrified by the realization that he was about to connect with his mother in ways he never wanted to. 

Darryl chuckled as he leaned forward, pressing sloppy kisses into his neck, over his shoulders. His upper lip traced the lines of his muscled chest. His arms jerked beneath himself, desperate to cover his ears so he wouldn’t have to listen to those smacking lips. But he could not escape this hell. Levi’s skin went numb, his gray eyes out of focus on the glittering chandelier above him. 

“This is so much more fun when you aren’t as stiff as a dead fish,” Darryl greedily hummed.

No. 

_No_ , this had not been happening to him while he was drugged, and this was certainly not about to fucking happen to him now. 

Darryl’s hands grazed over his nipples, the little buds turning to firm peaks at his touch. He willed his mind to leave his body. 

Erwin would always splash cold cream into his tea, a silver spoon plopping delicate sugar cubes into his porcelain cup. He would waft fresh steam up to his face with those scarred hands, hands that had pulled Levi against his chest once and -- 

Rotten teeth sunk into his pec, biting like that mouth wanted to rip out his heart. A scream shredded Levi’s throat, his vision blurring again as he felt Darryl’s tongue lick the wound and taste his blood. 

\-- hands that had so gently cupped his cheek. Erwin would thumb spilled tears from the bow in his lips as their eyes held each other, unspoken words whispered between them. 

Darryl moaned softly and pulled away, watching Levi’s face. 

“I kept telling the guys we should wean you off of the drugs just enough so you could be awake for all of this,” he flashed a smile of red-stained teeth. 

Levi refused to meet his eye. Darryl glowered. His hand shot up to Levi’s face and pinched the brim of his broken nose, twisting it. 

“Fucking look at me,” Darryl growled as Levi keened through clenched teeth, his bound legs vainfully flexing to kick this asshole off of himself. 

Levi’s eyes refocused on the monster between his legs, and he glared, his eyes deadly as Darryl let go of his crushed bridge. He smelled the trail of iron that pooled from his nose. Darryl’s hands ran down Levi’s sides, his rough fingers smearing blood over the dips in his hips. 

“Knock off the fucking attitude,” Darryl’s hands moved down Levi’s thighs. 

A hand cupped his testicles, and Levi jumped back. Darryl laughed, fondling his sack with cold palms. Rage swallowed his fear as Levi hacked in the back of his throat and spat. Darryl flinched, growling as he wiped the spittle from his brow.

“Don’t fucking touch --” Levi hissed, but his voice was cut off by the sudden grip on his throat. 

Fingers pressed into his flexing muscles, and Levi struggled to tuck his chin against the hand. His mouth tried to gulp in air, but there was nothing for him to breathe. 

“I was going to be nice, ya know,” Darryl rubbed the tip of his head up and down the length of Levi’s ass, precum smearing into his pubic hair. “But disrespectful pretty boys like you don’t deserve to be prepped.” 

Darryl’s hand left Levi’s neck, and he gasped for air. Fingers spread him apart, his head brushing against his dry hole. 

“I’ll fucking kill you,” Levi wailed, thrashing against the ropes with all of the strength his exhausted muscles could summon.

But it was no use. He bit his lip, whining as he tried to buck his tired hips away. Darryl’s hands found the ropes around the sides of his blistering thighs, and he pulled Levi closer to his throbbing cock. 

“It’s gonna hurt more if you don’t hold still.” 

Levi panted, chewing his cheek to quiet his whimpers while Darryl used the ropes to spread his legs wide. He closed his eyes as a tear traced down his temple and into his hair, suddenly regretting his request to not be drugged. 

He let his mind wander back to Erwin again. If Levi tried hard enough, he could almost smell that expensive bottle of cologne he had saved up to buy Erwin this past Christmas. He always wore it, and the scent of evergreen pine and warm vanilla against the kiss of his sweat had begun to smell like the home he wished was just for him.

Darryl pressed against his hole, forcing Levi to take his head. He gasped and tried to squirm away. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Darryl groaned as Levi’s walls squeezed against the unwanted penetration, his hands holding his jerking hips steady. 

Levi remembered that time when Hanji had become too busy with her research to continue meeting regularly with him, so Erwin had taken it upon himself to help him with his reading skills and penmanship despite his overwhelming responsibilities as Commander of the Survey Corps. They would sit for hours late into many nights, their heads bowed over fresh sheets of parchment paper. At first, Levi had been jealous of Erwin’s inky cursive, but bitterness melted into fondness when he had received that very first note slipped under his living quarters’ door, those beautiful words written just for him. 

Inch by inch, Darryl forced himself inside of Levi until he was hilt-deep, his testicles hot against his quivering ass. 

“. . . as tight as a fucking virgin,” he mumbled under his breath, his eyes glued to Levi’s growing cock as it twitched against his will. 

He _was_ a virgin, but a sob bubbled over Levi’s trembling lips when it dawned on him that that had been stripped from him. 

He thought about the ice of malice within the depths of those blue eyes the first time Erwin had beheld him, nothing more than a murderous rogue desperate to rise above the decrepit slums of the Underground. But, as a precious friendship kindled between them, Levi’s nimble fingers had untied the delicate ribbons of Erwin’s mask, and his face had softened with crinkles of laughter, a sound as clear as bells seemingly crafted just to undo everything about the man he had become. 

Levi’s insides burned as nausea pooled at the base of his stomach. He was sure he was going to split in half as Darryl pulled out a bit.

Would Erwin ever be able to bring him to the surface again?

Moaning, ungodly moaning, Darryl slammed himself back inside of Levi as he shrieked with every thrust. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow guys, hope that wasn't too traumatizing. I promise there will be an eventual happy ending! Anyways, this is my first time writing smut of ANY kind -- go big or go home? -- so please forgive me if it's really not that great.


	3. Feathered Strength

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is quite mild & was originally going to be a part of chapter 2. 
> 
> CW: conversations about sex trafficking

**_The Transformation_ **

_Sparkling fireworks inside his head,_

_Disregarding love, inviting anger instead;_

_Won't he get weary of so much pain,_

_Taking it out on the world is insane._

_Transform slowly and surely mature,_

_He'll find light in the night, I'm almost sure_

_Finding his place where time reverses_

_Musing the world’s small petty curses;_

_Can't be realistic with a good attitude,_

_Can't be alone without pure solitude_

_A world without color, just black & white, _

_How can he stand such a horrible sight?_

_Some day he'll notice the small things in life_

_And transform greatly without hate or strife._

  
  


**_\-- Dana Smith_ **

  
  
  


“Your soldiers have had fourteen days and a handful of hours to scour the entire Underground for my Captain,” Erwin snarled at Commander Nile Dok, his hands slamming down onto the desk between them. 

Nile flinched, numbly blinking as specks of spit flecked his flushed cheeks. Mike stepped forward, his crossed arms falling to his sides as Erwin leered over Nile’s white face. His hands readied themselves to pull the Commander back if he became any more volatile. 

“And yet,” Erwin bellowed as Nile sunk deeper and deeper into his chair, “they have uncovered nothing -- not even a cold lead has been investigated.” 

A document glided off of the shaking desk and onto the floor beside Erwin’s boot. 

Hanji’s slender finger pushed her slipping glasses back up the bridge of her hooked nose as she pressed her shoulders against the office wall behind her back. The return of icy malice to the depths of those blue eyes was unnerving, the intensity of a blossoming violence within Erwin’s bloodshot whites rivaled only by the darkness of Levi’s scowl. Her chest was seized by a keenful aching to see the seams of his control fraying. 

A little hand found its way around Erwin’s bicep, and he whipped around to face its holder as petite fingers gently squeezed him. Tenderly, Historia peered up at him, a tendril of golden hair rebelliously falling across her full cheeks. 

“Commander,” she worried her pink lip, “it’s not his fault.” 

Erwin breathed, letting the tension ebb from his straining shoulders. He closed his eyes for a moment. Exhaustion gnawed at the edges of his mind from two weeks of sleepless nights. 

“Your Grace,” he patted her spindly knuckles fatherly, “I have a proposition.” 

He felt Mike’s and Hanji’s eyes boring into his back as Historia nodded. 

“Allow the entire Survey Corps to conduct our own investigation within the Underground.” 

Nile snorted.

“You really think you guys would have better luck than my men,” a leer hooked a corner of his lips.

Erwin glared but pressed on.

“Captain Levi is one of our own,” he held Historia’s unblinking eyes. “He has a responsibility to our regiment as much as we have a responsibility to him.” 

Erwin’s eyes flicked to Hanji’s and Mike’s faces. 

“He has saved the life of every single living Scout.” 

Mike nodded him onward, a wrist clasped in his hand behind his back.

“We owe him just as much.” 

Hanji’s arms crossed over her chest in agreement. 

The Queen withdrew her hand from the Commander’s bicep and took a few steps backwards, her face swimming with contemplation. She plopped onto the edge of Nile’s desk. Her fingers fiddled with the wrinkles in her white skirt. 

“You can’t be serious,” Nile chuckled darkly, his eyes glowering at Erwin. “You don’t know one thing about the Underground.” 

Historia’s head shot up. A wild glint had made its home in her eye. 

“There is one other person within the military who knows the Underground just as well as Levi does,” she breathed as she hopped off of the desk, her cheeks dimpled mischievously. 

She turned on her polished heel to look down her nose at Nile as her arms folded onto her chest.

“Send for Captain Kenny Ackerman.”

Nile’s brows shot up, his jaw slack. 

“He will guide the Scouts through the Underground.” 

Hanji straightened. Her stomach was a riotous mess of knots over the prospect of being anywhere near the man who had snuffed out the lives of her research squad as if they had been nothing more than scuttling insects under the weathered soles of his muddied boots.

“Commander Dok,” the Queen brought herself to the fullness of her height, “send for him immediately.” 

Mike bristled, his nose wrinkled with disgust as a silent snarl curled his lip under his mustache.

Desperate times called for desperate measures was the uncomforting mantra rattling about Erwin’s skull as Nile rose from his seat with a scoff.

“Of course, your Majesty,” he said as he briskly left the room. 

None of them dared to break the black silence looming over the office, but they were not kept waiting for long. The arched door swung open, and Nile sauntered into the room, closely followed by Kenny. The Commander cozied himself back into the cushions of his chair as the lanky man tramped through the doorway. The steel of his gray eyes swept over the sober faces of the highest-ranking Scouts. A thin brow cocked when he noticed Historia. 

“Hey Tiny Tits,” he winked at her as he strode past Erwin to seat himself on the edge of Nile’s desk. 

“Don’t address her so disrespectfully,” Nile gawked at his Captain.

Kenny pursed his lips as he rifled through his stained trench coat pockets. His wizened hand found an old toothpick, and he chewed it between yellowed teeth. 

“For fuck’s sake,” he rolled his eyes as he took his hat off to reveal long thinning hair sleeked back. “ _Fine_ , your Grace.” 

He held his hat to his breast like any nobleman would for her. 

“What the fuck do you want from me?” 

He watched Hanji from his peripheral as she pushed her goggles into her greasy mess of a ponytail. His eyes narrowed to see the spark of rage just barely contained beneath the surface of her placid countenance before his attention returned to the little girl before him. 

“I’m personally assigning you to help with a kidnapping investigation,” she swallowed nervously, a faint blush kissing her cheeks still. 

“That’s low-ranking Military Police bullshit; why would the shitty ass Scouts be involved,” he sneered as his leg bounced. 

“Because it was Captain Levi who was kidnapped.” 

Kenny stood at once. His slack face was ashen as the brim of his hat slipped from his fingers. 

“He and I were in the Underground,” Historia’s words rushed together as her shaking fists balled into her skirt. “We were ambushed, and these awful-looking men attacked him.”

Kenny began to pace the room, his heavy bootfall making the aged floorboards creak with every pounding step. A hand twisted and pulled at his scraggly chin beard.

“Levi ordered the MPs to get me back to the surface, but, when I had them return, they weren’t able to find him anywhere.” 

He froze in front of her. His eyes blackened as something murderous rose to the surface of his being. 

“What did those _beasts_ call Levi,” he hissed. 

Historia felt her fluttering pulse in her fingertips when she locked eyes with Kenny. 

“I-It struck me as odd in the moment, but they never said his name, only referred to him as ‘pretty boy’.” 

Kenny plucked the toothpick from his parted lips. It snapped in his clenched hand as his glare slipped from her face, his head vigorously nodding. Tension rippled the muscles of his neck. Red blotches licked up his throat to splotch his cheeks and forehead. Kenny whipped around to Nile’s desk, and Mike lunged forward for Historia, his white-knuckled fist yanking her back as Kenny kicked the desk across the room. 

“I fucking told that shitty idiot boy to never fuck with those assholes,” Kenny howled.

Erwin’s brows jumped when he recognized the man’s stance as the same one Levi had used on Eren in the courtroom a few months ago. 

Nile’s eyes bulged out of their sockets when the desk crashed into the two bookshelves against the wall opposite them, mahogany splinters flying about the room as the shelves toppled over the wreckage. 

“But has that shit-for-brains runt ever fucking listened to a lick of what I’ve said to him?”

Papers flittered about. Pens exploded, colors of ink staining the wood floor. 

“I’ll fucking kill him!” 

Books spilled over the destruction as Kenny smashed his boot into the backs of the bookshelves, flecks of old paint billowing about his madness. 

“No,” he snarled, wrenching his foot out of the wood. “No one lays a hand on my boy but me.”

Quietness stilled him. His face turned up to the ceiling, his hooded lids closed as his shoulders relaxed with every hush of breath. 

“I’ll kill _them_ ,” he whispered as he turned around to face the Queen, his Commander, and the Scouts. 

Mike stood in front of Historia, a hand firm against her trembling side as she peaked around his elbow. Nile had brought himself onto his feet, his hands fidgeting with the ends of his bolo tie. Hanji had moved to stand beside Erwin, and her shoulder brushed against the pinned-up sleeve covering his amputation. Erwin’s face was lined with stoicism as he analyzed the hellish man before them. 

Kenny’s fury echoed the venom within Erwin’s chest.

“Why did those men call Levi ‘pretty boy’,” Erwin commanded Kenny’s attention. 

His eyes held Erwin’s gaze, a challenge flashing within those gray depths.

“A pretty boy or girl is an adult who looks like a child still,” he licked his chapped lips as they spread into a wicked smile. 

“Before I left Levi,” he sauntered over to Erwin, baring his chipped teeth, “I made sure to beat the shit out of him every single fucking time he even glared at those fucking child traffickers, trying to knock some fucking sense into his thick head to leave them the fuck alone or they’d go after him. But why would that shitty brat ever fucking listen to good ol’ Kenny?” 

With a huff, he turned to Historia. 

“When was Levi kidnapped,” his hands plunged into his pockets. 

She moved out from behind Mike, but his hand protectively fell to her lower back. 

“About two weeks ago,” her voice regained its feathered strength, her chin rising as she spoke. 

Kenny’s eyes widened ever so slightly before a scowl darkened his face. Erwin’s stomach lurched with recognition; he was all too familiar with those gentle creases between the brows of another man.

“Oh fuck the Walls, fuck the Goddesses, and every fucking thing,” the growl rose from Kenny’s chest as he scooped up his hat and strode to the door. “Everyone that is coming needs to be ready to leave for the Underground in seven minutes.” 

He turned the knob when Erwin stepped forward, his hand gripping Kenny’s shoulder. The man jumped at his touch. He glowered at the Commander behind him. 

“What do you know, Kenny?”

He swallowed. 

“Underground sex traffickers take two weeks to break in new meat,” his breath hitched as his eyes closed for just a moment, “and then they sell them on the 15th day.

“If Levi is sold,” Kenny shrugged Erwin’s hand off, “we can kiss his ass goodbye because none of us will ever see him alive again.”

Erwin saw the tremble in the bones of his gnarled hand as he flung the door open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided that this will be a 2 part series! I'm still unsure of what the chapter count for this work will be, but I'm estimating at least 10+ at this point. I've got the main plot points down for what I'd like to do, but if you guys have any suggestions about what you'd like to see, please comment them! And a huge thank you to everyone who has read this, left kudos, or commented so far; all of these things really help to motivate me to continue writing. You guys are the best!
> 
> If you're interested in any of my other works, you can check out my main Ao3 acct: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHeartOfStories


	4. Hissing Rats' Putrescence

Even after all those years had passed, the destruction of Wall Maria could still be felt within the empty blackness that haunted the Underground. Spluttering lamplight shied to illuminate the slight frames of living corpses that curled into themselves within the shadows of winding alleyways. Milky orbs caught the light, blindly blinking up at the Scouts’ silhouettes as they purposefully strode past the sickly bodies that wasted away in the shallow puddles of their own rotting piss. 

In every sallow face, Erwin pretended he did not see Levi looking back at him with the eyes of the living dead. 

But it was the rats that set his skin crawling. As their worn boots trudged through the expansive putrescence all about them, the rats’ hissed at their ankles, baring teeth that were yellow and broken and sharp. Their claws click-clacked against the broken cobblestone road, always just out of sight yet still nipping at the Scouts’ heels. 

Kenny led them deeper and deeper into the Underground. The tightly-knit shacks thinned to nothing but brown splintered bones jutting up from the narrow spaces between crumbling stalagmites. The silence was pierced only by the muffled echo of their steel soles. 

Suddenly, Kenny skidded to a stop before backtracking to the darkness’ edge that had trailed beside them for a few paces. Then, Erwin noticed what that bloodhound of a Military Police Captain hunted; a delicate foot, clad in a stained lacy stocking, almost blended in with the ruination all around them. Knees popping, Kenny crouched low with a groan before the woman in the shadows. A face, all angles and sooty edges, tilted forward. Snarled coifs fell across the rise and fall of her brow and cheeks as she flashed Kenny a wide smile of missing teeth. 

“Like what ya see,” she crooned, a knobby hand flittering up to her bony shoulder to slip the frayed hem of her sleeve down her pock-marked skin. 

A red and purple scar in the shape of a thick “X” branded her flesh, half hidden by the folds of her sleeve and the crook of her armpit. Kenny looked from where her nailless fingers skittered past her brand to her hollow eyes, bitter giddiness bouncing him on the balls of his feet. 

“I s’pose I have, darlin’,” Kenny leaned forward just enough so the dim lamplight caught the lines of his leering face. 

The whore’s jaw dropped. Awfully, she wailed as Kenny’s hand struck out to grab her ankle, yanking her out of the shadows. 

“Yer the Ripper,” she shrieked, her fingers fumbling to tear at Kenny’s grip as he threw her onto the street before the Scouts. 

She collapsed onto her hands and knees. Dry sobs shook her bones as she tried to crawl away. 

“Not so fast,” Kenny hissed. 

He loomed over her, vulturous.

“Please,” the whore whimpered, “just let me go.” 

A gnarled hand ripped her head back by her licey hair, and she fell onto her ass. She tucked her shins beneath herself, her bloodied knees desperately trying to lift herself up. 

“Hot damn, you ugly bitch,” Kenny whistled low, and, with a lurch of his arm, he had her back on her ass. “Love me a woman with some fight in her.” 

Knobby hands still clawed at Kenny’s wrist in her hair. Steely eyes flicked up to the Scouts, brows set low in a scowl betrayed only by the crinkles of a mirthless smile. 

None of the Scouts stepped forward to stop the Ripper. 

“Always makes this a little more fun,” his grin grew sinisterly as he returned his attention back to the sniveling whore. 

Then, Kenny drew his curved blade from its place on his hip as he wrenched the whore’s head back farther. Her nape touched her shoulder blades as he caressed his knife’s cold steel along the hot muscles of her bobbing throat. Her hands stilled as she quieted down. 

“Now, Emilia, I remember when ya’d been a pretty little thing,” Kenny bent low, his lips sneering into the lines of her oily ear, “all thrashing long legs and a few more teeth then. But do you remember the story of good ol’ Kenny’s little shadow?” 

Emilia clutched his wrist with white knuckles, hesitating to swallow as he pressed his blade against her throat. Blood beaded to the surface of her flesh. Kenny, clicking his tongue, shook his head over the whore, the brim of his hat sliding forward on his brow. 

“Are ya fuckin’ deaf, whore?” 

She watched every move of his head. 

“Or’s the Ripper got yer tongue,” he cackled. 

Kenny eased his knife from her throat so she could breathe; he wasn’t ready to kill her just yet. Instead, he straightened himself so he could watch the way terror twisted her gaunt features as he told his story. 

“Back in the day,” he hummed thoughtfully to himself, “maybe around twenty two years ago, a rat of a child groveled over the dirt my blessed feet kicked up -- that runt would have worshipped the ground I ever dared to grace if I let him.” 

Fondness softened Kenny’s weathered crow’s feet for a moment while he reminisced on a simpler time in his life. 

“Raised him up real good, if I do say so myself,” his chin jutted out. “One of the proudest moments of my life was when I got to watch him -- a kid of not more’n thirteen -- kill his first man.” 

Kenny twisted a fistful of Emilia’s mussed curls.

“I mean, that asshole was his prostitute mother’s pimp.”

The whore grunted when Kenny wrenched her head back again, forcing her to look up at him. 

“That’s right,” he shook her once, “even Kuchel was above _you_. But that bastard beat ‘n’ raped my poor baby sister so many times I’ve half-wondered if her little boy ended up killing his own father.” 

Erwin’s stomach churned when he thought of Levi as a runtish kid, nothing more than orphaned Underground gutter trash with bruised ribs so gaunt he could count each and every one of his bones between their hollow dips; a rageful child with small hands, blistered from the abuse of a world that never wanted him, that butchered his mother’s behemoth while her murderous brother watched her little boy rape the innocence from his own soul. 

But did Levi even know that he had a name: Ackerman? 

Kenny shrugged like what he said meant nothing to him. 

“But that boy carved out a name for ‘imself down in this wretched hellhole the only way he knew how; slaughterin’ fretful cowards like the squealin’ pigs they were; networking with the vilest gangs the Underground had ever known only to overthrow each and everyone that had the shit brains to trust that little fucker.” 

A spark of recognition widened Emilia’s dark eyes as Kenny lifted her head even higher. 

“They may call me Kenny the Ripper --” 

Mike glanced at Erwin and only saw distant eyes, those blues swimming with the memories of Levi -- a human who had once never known what sunlight felt like on his ashen cheeks -- with his rangy wrists shackled beside his friends in sewage that stained the caliginous street. Murder made his flinty gaze flash when they first met, but fickle time softened the menacing glare Levi reserved for Erwin alone. 

“-- but they called my boy the King of the Underground.” 

A wretched sob crawled out of Emilia’s heaving chest. 

“And you know who that brat grew up to be,” Kenny bared his crooked teeth at her, his knife rising to point at the men and women in front of them. “Captain Levi of the Survey Corps: Humanity’s Strongest Soldier.” 

Kenny’s chest puffed up. The whore squirmed beneath his hand, and the blade reclaimed its place against her slender throat. Another sob shook her shoulders as her nubbish fingers wrinkled her lap skirts. 

“What do you want from me,” she whispered, her chin trembling. 

Salt traced down her waxy cheeks. 

“Well you see, Captain Levi’s missin’,” Kenny held her eyes. “And, from the branding ya’ve got yerself, I’d bet my left nut yer my ticket to finding him.” 

Her thin brows lowered, blackened features twisting, and her cracked lips curled as she laughed and laughed and --

“What the fuck is so goddamn funny,” Kenny growled, pressing the edge of his knife against the frantic vein pulsing just below her rawboned jaw. 

Emilia sucked in a breath, but that lopsided smirk never left her face. 

“If you think whoever I know has him, then ya’ll’ll never wanna find him.”

A muscle twitched in Kenny’s temple as he viciously ground his teeth. Then, he untangled his fingers from that whore’s ratty hair and kicked her flat onto the cobbled road. Murky puddles soaked her holey stockings and ruined skirts. Groaning, she brought herself up onto her scraped elbows slowly. Kenny made his way to stand by her side. Matted tendrils spilled over her bare shoulders as Kenny kicked her onto her back. Her head rolled about as she giggled smugly. A soft blush kissed her dimpled cheeks while she watched the Devil circle her.

The sickening crunch of her ribs beneath the heel of his boots echoed off of the unforgiving stalagmites. She shrieked. He sat on his haunches beside her as she clutched at her muddied gown ribbons over her broken bones. Kenny scraped grime from beneath his warped nails with the tip of his knife, careful to avoid the reflection of his stoic eyes in the blade’s glint. 

“I’ll only ask you one more time, bitch,” he pointed at her with his knife. “Where is Levi?” 

She pressed the side of her face into the dirt to look at him. Long lashes haloed round her haunted orbish eyes. All color had fled from her sweetheart face. Thin lips wheezed for air her punctured lungs couldn’t find enough of, and Kenny hoped a shattered rib would kill her slowly while she groveled before him like the piece of shit she was. 

“B-blackteeth,” she soundlessly wept. “Blackteeth has him.” 

Kenny gritted his teeth, nodding as he brought himself back up. He did not dare to cast a look at the Scouts behind him, wary that his face might betray the icy dread that grew in the pit of his stomach because of that name. 

Blackteeth: the slaver that single-handedly eradicated the Asian clan within the Walls by selling them to Wall Sina’s perverse elite, one by one. 

Dusting off his sore knees, he sheathed his knife. 

Blackteeth: known for the brutality he used to break his prizes. 

With his back towards Emilia, he fished a few coins from his coat pocket and cast them into the churned mud near her outstretched twitching fingers. 

Blackteeth: the leviathan who had his boy.

“For your troubles,” he grinned over his shoulder as she crumpled in on herself, wracked with wet coughs. 

Then Kenny pushed past Armin and Jean, their grim faces slack. Hesitantly, the Scouts trickled after him. Chin quivering, Sasha watched life flee from the whore’s dimming eyes before Connie tugged on her jacket sleeve. Numbly, she was the last of the Scouts to follow. 

They were forced to engage ODM gear to follow Kenny through the moldering caves at the edge of the Underground’s cathedralic ceiling. They were plunged into a darkness that had never known the warmth of sunlight. The air’s damp staleness clung to their weary bones like a nightmare ingrained in their exhausted muscles. Scuttling creatures hissed through clicking pinchers. The rustle of fleshy wings flew just above their bowed heads as the Scouts blindly tripped over crumbling rocks and shallow pits. 

But the blood-curdling howls -- raw and guttural and primal -- guided their stumbling legs. 

Hanji felt the cacophony of screams rumbling in her chest, a keening so deeply instinctual that it stole the breath from her hitching lungs. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. Goosebumps trailed up her spine.

“That sound can’t be human,” Armin gulped, whispering to Eren as he held onto Mikasa’s forearm to keep from falling. “It sounds like Annie’s death screams back in the forest.”

Shafts of firelight filtered through the curves of the stalactites as they neared the tunnel’s end. Kenny raised his hand behind himself, and the Scouts halted before he disappeared into the shadows to inspect what was up ahead of them. 

Commander Erwin slumped against the cave wall, its _drip drip drip_ soaking through his jacket as he pinched at his numb amputation scars beneath his pinned sleeve. Hanji shuffled closer to him, her brows furrowed as she reached for his trembling shoulder. He patted the top of her rough knuckles.

“What is it,” she breathed as Mike shuffled closer to them. 

Erwin looked at his friends’ silhouettes, chewing his cheek. 

“I’ve heard him like this only once before,” he murmured, squeezing his eyes shut. 

The wailing sent him back to that expedition so long ago, just a few fleeting months before Commander Shadis’ retirement. The smell of rain and his comrades’ carnage still burned his nostrils all these years later, the memory seared into the fissures of his mind. He could almost feel the hiss of the abnormal’s burning corpse right next to him. 

And Levi was crumpled in the mud beside the slaughtered titan, sloshing horse steps closing in from the distance. Shattered ODM blades slipped from his numb fingers as his shoulders shook. Erwin called his name as he approached, but Levi’s head stayed low, eyes only for whatever soiled his lap that the mist hid from Erwin’s view. Then he saw it: Isabel’s severed head, green eyes wide and lightless with lines of horror forever etched onto her deathly still face. Levi’s hand shook as he carded through her bloody hair, every cold lungful hitching. 

Levi clutched the corpse’s head to his heaving chest. His face raised up to the gray sky. Rain traced his closed lavender lids, completely unaware that he was no longer alone on the mutilated battlefield. Screams of lamentation became his being. 

“That’s. . .” Hanji’s voice broke. “. . . That’s Levi?” 

Swallowing, Erwin could only nod. Mike crossed his arms over his chest, shifting his weight from foot to foot. 

“I only caught the tail end of it,” Mike nodded towards Hanji. “It was Levi’s first expedition, and he found Isabel’s and Farlan’s bodies, half eaten by an abnormal no one had seen coming. It’s the only time I’ve ever seen him so upset.” 

Hanji worried her lip, brows furrowing. 

“We’ll get him back,” she promised.

Mikasa’s shoulder brushed against Eren’s as she burrowed her nose into the folds of her red scarf, delicate fingers plucking at its wrinkles. Silver eyes flickered from the Commander to the man beside her. Their gazes met, his brows set low. Her hand traveled to touch his strong wrist. 

Her arms ached to hold Eren against her heart; she wanted to shield him from the horrors splayed out before them. But she knew he would want to be in the thick of it. His impassioned recklessness to dive head first -- and always planless -- into any danger that threatened whatever he loved set Mikasa’s nerves on fire. And when she looked at the Commander, his face hidden by the shadows of his love’s birthplace, she knew that his feelings for Levi were akin to her own: always unvoiced but always just beneath the cold surface. 

“Those screams mean the Captain is still alive,” Mikasa spoke into her scarf, her black lashes low. 

As Erwin rose from the tunnel wall, Kenny slithered through the spaces between the stalactites to their group. 

“Those’re Blackteeth’s bitch thugs prowling about the entrance of a theater at the center of a massive cave,” Kenny flipped the brim of his hat up. 

“Who is Blackteeth,” Armin pushed his hair behind an ear. 

“He’s the biggest sex slaver in the Underground.”

“How do you know him,” Armin frowned. 

Annoyed, Kenny clicked his tongue. 

“We used to work together, smugglin’ drugs and weapons in ‘n’ out of the Underground back in the day, but then ‘e started dabblin’ in selling kids. I wanted nothin’ to do with that sort o’ bullshit.” 

A piercing wail sounded from the cave up ahead, long and breathless and unhinged. Erwin winced. 

“We need to get a move on,” his fist clenched and unclenched at his side.

“Right,” Kenny turned to him. “Here’s what we’re going to do. . .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being so patient guys; I've been busier than expected with work and school. Originally, this was going to be the beginning of what will be the next chapter, but I wasn't sure how long it would take me to complete the part that I've decided to have as the next chapter. I'm super excited to write the next chapter because it's part one of the scene that made me want to write this fic in the first place. I hope you guys enjoy this and please know that I will continue to write this story even if it takes longer than anticipated to complete it. Oh, I also updated the tags for this fic!! In the mean time, I'd recommend reading my other eruri fic, which can be found here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24964120


	5. Was and Is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: rape, mentions of pedophilia, gore (mostly blood)
> 
> I do not condone or endorse any of the aforementioned warnings.

“We will split into two squads,” Erwin, quiet in the dripping tunnel’s blackness, ordered the Scouts.

“Squad One will infiltrate the theater where Levi is being kept. Squad Two will prevent Blackteeth’s people from exiting through this tunnel here and stop more of his people from entering the main cave system where the theater is located.”

Kenny leaned against a porous wall, arms crossed over his chest with his hat brim low as he listened to the Commander. He knew that going in to rescue Levi with a solid plan was of the utmost importance for their overall successful return to the surface, but he quickly realized that this mission hit too close to his heart when he could not come up with anything more effective than “charge in and slaughter those motherfuckers.” Kenny would never admit it, but he was relieved when Erwin squeezed his shoulder while he rambled on, silently giving him permission to relinquish the reins of mission leadership to him.

“Connie, Sasha, Jean, and Eren will make up Squad Two with Armin as Squad Leader.” 

Armin nodded once, fretfully pale from the nerves he tried to swallow down. 

“The rest of us,” Erwin eyed his veterans, Kenny scowling in the shadows, and Mikasa, huddled beside Eren, “will make up Squad One. I will be Squad Leader. The plan is simple enough. As I said, the objective of Squad One will be to infiltrate the theater and retrieve Captain Levi. Squad One will clear out the enemy surrounding the theater before accessing it. 

“Squad Two’s objective is to maintain the security of the cave system surrounding the theater after Squad One gets in and to prevent any potential enemy reinforcements from reaching the theater until Squad One returns with the Captain. 

“Squad Leader Armin,” Erwin met the boy’s eyes. 

A spirit resided in those gold-flecked blue depths, one with the strength to rival his own. 

“You have full authority to use any means necessary to fulfill these objectives as the situation changes for whatever reason.” 

“Yes, Commander,” Armin mumbled as he slowly sank onto his haunches, soundlessly mouthing the counter plans unfurling in his mind. 

“Are there any questions?” 

Clicks of readied ODM blades were the resounding answer. 

“Let’s move out.” 

***

_ The fight was over in a flash. Kenny’s knee dug into his lower back, his forearm pushed up into an awkward angle between his shoulder blades. Grunting, Levi struggled to drive his knees beneath his squished hips but only managed to skin them against the crumbling cobblestone street.  _

_ “D’ya admit ya’ve lost yet, brat,” Kenny chuckled. _

The pig leering over him crushed himself against his scarred chest, his coarse hair rubbing Levi’s skin raw in places with each erratic thrust of bony hips. 

“You’ll remember this fucking even after you’ve been sold,” that  _ beast _ snarled as he sunk his teeth into Levi’s lower lip. 

Levi’s jaw clenched, blackened eyes screwing shut again when he tasted blood in his mouth. Calloused fingers forced impossible space between the tight ropes that had bound Levi’s calves to his thighs for as long as he could remember -- as long as he thought he had been dead. 

He begged his mind to leave his body behind.

_ The blade of Kenny’s forearm slithered around Levi’s throat, pressing into his Adam's apple as he hooked his thumb into Levi’s hoodie collar.  _

_ Levi hissed and tried to twist away. Kenny wrenched his face out of the dirt. With a fistful of raven hair, Kenny flipped Levi onto his back and sat on the boy’s stomach, knocking the wind out of him.  _

_ Arms freed, Levi bucked his thin hips to create space between himself and Kenny before he turned onto his side. Knobby hands gripped the top of one of Kenny’s thighs as he thrust his hips out from beneath him, quickly dragging his legs out as well.  _

_ “Good thinkin’ shrimp,” Kenny grinned.  _

The man used the rope’s leverage to bury his twitching cock deeper into Levi’s bruised hips. Howling, Levi clawed at the soiled sheet beneath his back for purchase as he tried to drown out the sound of every echoing clap of clenching balls against his flogged ass cheeks. 

The man let go of Levi’s cracked lip and straightened himself, beady eyes blown out with lust. 

“Look at me.” 

Levi let the crown of his head dangle over the edge of the pedestal instead; he would not meet the eyes of the swine he had dreamt of tearing apart with his bare hands as he felt him reaching his climax. As Levi stared up at the twinkling chandelier that cast prism drops about the theater, he tried to ignore the itchy way tufts of his matted hair were plastered to his forehead and undercut with cold sweat. He focused on the dull ache of his shoulder blades being pounded into the pedestal to lull him back into the recesses of his childhood. 

_ Then, while Levi was still crunched up on his side, the Ripper grabbed Levi’s hip and shoulder, shoving him onto his back. His forearm was parallel with his skinny collarbone.  _

_ Levi huffed, glaring.  _

_ “I don’t lose,” the boy seethed.  _

_ “That’s right,” Kenny bared his tobacco-stained teeth. “But do y’know what to do when ya’ve got nothin’ left to lose?”  _

_ “What d’you mean?” Thin brows furrowed beneath him.  _

“I told you to look at me,” the man shouted. 

Levi flinched away from the spit flecks splattering his cheeks, his neck, but he refused to obey. A hand ripped itself from the ropes on his leg to choke him. Gasping, his eyes shot open and darted about the sneering and smirking and blissful faces looming all around him. 

And there were hands, so many hands, all about him: touching his limp shoulders, stroking their straining bulges, pinching his bloodied nipples, plunging fingers into his gaping mouth to feel his slick tongue, nibbling his bruised ears. 

His mouth gulped for air his burning lungs just couldn’t find. 

“Oh,” the man moaned, his head rolling about his shoulders as he tightened his grip on Levi’s throat. “I love watchin’ ya die while riding my cock.” 

Bursting stars stole spots of his vision, and Kenny’s voice called him into the blackness.

_ “Losing,” he pushed his weight onto Levi’s throat, “means you’ve been broken.”  _

_ Instinctively, Levi’s hands shot up to pull Kenny’s arm off of his neck. _

_ “You can die in a fight, but that don’t mean ya’ve lost; lettin’ rats shake the man you are is losing.”  _

_ Levi squirmed beneath his weight. _

The man sheathed himself hilt-deep one last time, his lips forming a silent “O”. His pubic hair tickled Levi’s purple balls. He felt his face growing blue when another vein popped in his eye whites as he suffocated beneath the hog filling him with hot spunk. 

A final spurt shot fire inside of him as his bulging eyes began to roll into the back of his head, his lids fluttering closed before the man released him, ripping his softening cock out of his gaping ass. 

Levi sobbed past a finger twisted round his tongue, trying to swallow back the rise of wailing that twisted his ravaged guts. He let his busted cheek rest against the cum-soaked sheet beneath him. 

He blinked between swirling memories of Kenny. 

_ “A man can reach into your chest to rip yer heart out, watch you bleed out at his feet, but ya’ven’t lost. You lose only when you let a man take away who you are.”  _

_ Kenny’s eyes narrowed when Levi stilled.  _

_ “D’ya understand, boy?”  _

_ He nodded once.  _

And then there were soft hands caressing the mottled bunches of his thighs between the ropes binding his legs. 

“Why hello there beautiful,” a sickly sweet voice called him back to the theater stage. 

His dripping cockhead smeared along Levi’s throbbing length. Whimpering, he tried to wriggle his hips away.

“Not so fast,” he tenderly clicked his tongue at Levi like he would a delightfully willful child. 

Levi’s skin crawled to think about what other little boys had been forced to endure the presence of this leviathan. The man gripped Levi’s hips and pulled him closer. Another dry sob crawled through Levi’s raw throat when he felt the crease of his ass cheeks rest against the man’s knees. 

“Now, your stay with us is almost over,” Levi heard the twisted smile in the man’s quiet voice. “I think we’ve taught you to take cock like such a good boy. Wouldn’t you agree?”

He closed his eyes and commanded his breathing to steady, trying to prepare himself to be taken again.

And again.

And again. 

He shut everything out and returned to his refuge. 

_ Kenny cleared his throat.  _

_ “Never let go of who you are, Levi.”  _

“I want to help you, Levi,” the man pressed kisses into his knees’ hollows.

Levi hiccupped. Clipped nails traced the edges of the bruises blooming along the lengths of his ribs. 

“I want to make you feel good, but how am I supposed to know if you feel good when you don’t orgasm?” 

The man paused. 

“I want you to lose yourself because it feels so good, Levi.” 

The man leaned over him. A hand kneaded Levi’s ass possessively, thumbing his leaking hole open as he lined himself up. Their chests just barely brushed. 

“I want you to cum for me like a good boy,” his breath tasted the broken bow of Levi’s swollen lip. 

Gently, the man pressed his head inside of Levi. Jaw dropping with a hiccup, his breath hitched.

“Beautiful,” the man whispered above him when he felt Levi’s hole relax around his veiny girth. “Such a good boy. You’ve been taught so well.” 

He peppered kisses onto Levi’s heaving chest, his heart pumping cold-blooded murder through his veins.

And shame, like ice. 

It became him, consumed the man he was and is. 

But, what had Kenny taught him?

_ “Now, ya’ve gotta learn something about what it means to be small in a dog-eat-dog kinda world we got the shit luck to live in.”  _

Warm hands traveled to rest on the tops of his hips, holding their bodies’ connection between languid thrusts. Levi’s stomach churned, and a tremble ran up his inner thigh. 

“Let me ask something of you,” the man sighed as he reached up to cup Levi’s chin.

Levi bit his tongue to keep from spitting on this -- this piece of absolute _ shit _ . 

But Kenny, asshole that he was, taught him well: taught him how to stand on his own two feet and rise above the hell that was the Underground even when he could only grovel at the base of the Stairwell that led to the surface. 

_ “Because of the cards yer mother dealt ya by keepin’ ya ‘live, there’ll come a point for you where ya’ve got nothin’ left to lose; not even yer life will be worth keepin’ --”  _

_ Levi swallowed. _

“Let go of everything that’s around you right now.”

The man’s hips shivered as he let Levi’s body hungrily suck his inches inside of himself. When their hips met again, he had to take a moment to control his breathing. Levi felt the man’s balls clenching against his hole already. 

“Pretend it’s your precious Commander, Erwin Smith, making love to you.” 

Levi’s eyes shot open and narrowed to venomous slits.

What was left of his life worth keeping? He had let go of Erwin once before, back at Shiganshina, when he told him to give up on his childish dreams and die a man. And Erwin had listened to Levi because they had nothing left to lose and everything to gain. 

Everything had already been taken from him. At least this time Levi could choose to give Erwin up; it was the last thing he had the freedom to do. 

“Erwin,” Levi breathed. 

_ “-- but dyin’ ain’t losing, kid. You lose when ya let ‘em break the man you are.” _

The swine’s thumb traced the kiss of purple just beneath his dark lashes before brushing along the length of his swollen bottom lip. Lavender lids fluttered closed.

“Forgive me.” 

Levi gave himself the permission to die like the man he was: rebellious and cunning down to the depths of his clever bones. 

Gray eyes opened. His tongue tasted the line of the man’s thumb when their eyes met. 

“Oh,” he moaned as he stroked Levi’s wetness. “Good boy.” 

Levi knew what he needed to do: Kenny raised him. 

_ “And yer a runt,” Kenny lifted himself off of Levi and ruffled his hair.  _

_ Swatting his hand away, Levi sat up and crossed his legs. They faced each other.  _

_ “People’ll look down on you for that,” Kenny draped his arms over the tops of his knees, chewing his cheek.  _

_ Levi’s nose scrunched up.  _

Uncontrollably, the man’s hips snapped inside of him, and Levi felt a piece of himself die when he gasped like a gutted fish. 

“How,” the man panted, “how do you like your Commander to touch you?” 

Levi’s brows furrowed as the man began to drill into him, his slimy hand gripping his aching cock length. He stole the few remaining ounces of Levi’s dignity with each shaky tug on his shaft. 

“He --” Levi moaned like a whore through clenched teeth as he slammed his head back over the edge of the pedestal.

Erwin had never touched him before. Levi had never been with  _ anyone  _ before. 

_ “It’s the truth. Yer -- what -- twelve now?”  _

_ Levi nodded.  _

_ “I doubt yer gonna get much bigger, squirt,” Kenny shrugged. “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that. You just gotta know how to watch your back down in this shit hole, you understand?”  _

_ Levi drew his knees to his chest and slinked his arms around his shins, careful to avoid his red scrapes; he knew all too well what happened to the kids that weren’t as careful as they should be in the Underground city they called home. _

“-- he -- I, I like it when he --” 

Levi’s voice was drowned out by gasping men encircling them and the slapping of testicles against his ruined ass. 

_ “Those  _ animals _ ,” Kenny snarled, “they’ll try to take everything from you, Levi.” _

“I like it when he kisses my neck,” Levi cried out, lying. 

He had nothing left to lose, and he would not give them himself. 

“Yeah?” 

Groaning, the pig flopped down onto Levi’s chest and trailed his tongue along the length of his clenched jaw. His hooked nose nuzzled his ear, tasting its delicate lines. 

Levi screwed his eyes shut and listened to Kenny. 

_ “But they can’t take away who you are; not unless you give up on yourself.” _

_ Levi pinched at his dirty jacket sleeve.  _

Chapped lips suckled at his Adam’s apple. Stubble scraped the hollow of his throat, the tops of his collar bones.

_ “They’ll go in for a kiss,” Levi held Kenny’s haunted eyes. _

Levi sighed into the gentle press of lips along his neck, his stomach churning as he moved his mouth against the man’s neck. Levi’s chipped teeth grazed the frantic pulse just beneath the skin’s fragile surface. 

_ “And, when ya’ve got nothin’ left to lose, you go in for the kill.”  _

His lips pulled back over his teeth as he stretched his mouth wide. Levi opened his eyes and held the gaze of every man in the room as he sunk into the vein just beneath his lips until he felt his jaws connect through flesh and muscle. 

The man’s hips shook before stilling. Hot iron poured into Levi’s mouth, spilled over his lips and cheeks and shoulder. He felt blood pool beneath his nape. And then the man was thrashing against Levi. Fists crushed his nose, his ribs, anything they could connect with. The pig tried to tear himself from Levi’s teeth. Shrieking, Levi ripped his throat out.

The pig, as pale as death, stumbled backwards into the shocked arms of the other traffickers, white hands clutching over his gaping neck. He glubbed like a skewered fish. Blood spewed over his quivering lips as he gurgled incoherently. 

Levi spit out the chunk of meat over the edge of his crimson pedestal. Slowly, he raised his head high and bared a blood-stained smile. 

“Don’t ever speak my Commander’s name.” 

A brutish man grunted and strode over to Levi, eyes black -- 

“NOW!” 

\-- A grappling hook sank into the wall at the back of the theater stage. Air canisters hissed over their heads. Levi’s smile slipped from his bruised face. A sword glinted in the drops of chandelier prisms. 

And Kenny, smoke and shadow and rage made man, was nothing more than a flash of silver eyes as he cut down the man towering over Levi. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What?? 2 chapters in one month?? Lol I actually had the time to hammer out another chapter.   
> I was so happy to finally get this chapter posted because this part and the next chapter are the scenes that inspired this entire story! Originally, the previous chapter, Rats' Hissing Putrescene, and this chapter were planned to be one, but it was taking me too long to write it all out.   
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this. Everything gets better from here!


	6. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: gore & blood. Lots & lots of blood.

The theater was in chaos. Grappling hooks chipped the marble walls as the Scouts danced through the air. Billows of dust caught prism light, kicked up by their hissing air canisters. No man was quick enough to draw a pistol. Screams were silenced by the slices of twin blades, bloody gurgling beneath the Scouts’ feet as bodies hit the stone stage floor. More than one severed head rolled off of the edge of the stage and fell onto the ground with a sickening crunch. 

The smell of spilled iron choked Levi. Blood splashed across his chest, hit his throat and matted his hair. The edges of the sheet draped over his marble pedestal -- now stained red --  _ drip drip dripped  _ with it. The ropes binding his arms and legs drowned in it, and rivulets slid down his mottled muscles. 

Familiar silhouettes stilled as the room grew quiet. Wet bootsteps squelched across the stage. Levi turned to follow the sound, his cheek resting in a pool of blood. He was careful not to breathe it in. 

“Where the fuck is your boss,” Kenny barked at the back of the stage, his voice echoing off of the concrete wall. A fistful of greasy hair, Kenny pulled the naked man out of a pool of his own blood.

Eyes wide, Levi met the stares of his closest friends. Mike took a hesitant step towards Levi’s pedestal, his face green as he held his breath. Hanji, with her goggles pushed back into her hair, was close behind him. The tears staining her cheeks caught the chandelier’s low light as she wrung her hands together. Numbly, all Levi could do was stare at them. 

“W-who,” the man whimpered, his hands clutching Kenny’s wrists for support. 

“Don’t get smart with me, shithead. Blackteeth,” Kenny spat, shaking the man hard once. “Tell me where he is, and I’ll kill ya quick.” Viper fast, Kenny’s hand dropped the man’s hair and clamped down on his forearm. Then, his blade sliced through his wrist. Sobs shook his shoulders as blood gushed from where exposed muscle and tendon barely managed to keep his hand attached. It dangled from his body, bouncing wretchedly while he begged for mercy. Kenny’s thin lips curled into a sneer.

“Hey Smalls,” Hanji smiled weakly at Levi, roughly wiping her face as she sniffled. “We’re gonna get you out of here, alright?” 

She turned towards Mike. Her fingers traced the edge of the soaking pedestal. 

“We have to cut the ropes binding his arms and legs. I’ll help hold him steady while you cut.”

“I don’t know where Blackteeth is,” the man wailed. Kenny’s hand slid down to the man’s cut wrist, and his fingers dug into the ruined meat. 

“You sure ‘bout that?” 

“I swear, I swear, I swear,” the man whimpered, twisting and jerking frantically to free himself. Kenny’s grip never faltered. 

“Is this real,” Levi whispered. 

Hanji chewed her lip, brows turned up over his voice’s hoarseness and the bruises lacing his throat. Earnestly, Levi looked at her through swollen, black eyes. She couldn’t speak, only nodded as she pushed past Mike. He took a step closer, his ODM blade catching the light. 

“This is real, alright,” Mike huffed as he brought his sword level with Levi’s thigh. 

Kenny twisted the man’s arm upwards and jammed his knee into his locked elbow.  _ Pop.  _ The man crumpled. His chest hit Kenny’s boots. He kicked his teeth in, the man lurching to the side with the hit as he coughed up teeth. Kenny felt his shoulder grind out of place. He slammed his foot onto his back, pushing him into the ground as he jammed his heel beneath his shoulder blade. 

Levi laid his head back down, his crown hanging off the pedestal’s edge. Hanji’s hands were gentle over the raised bite marks on his thighs as she stabilized the area Mike sawed through. 

“You’ve been away for fourteen days,” Hanji gushed, filling the silence. “The Military Police have been searching for you in the Underground, but they kept coming up empty. Commander Erwin got permission for the Scouts to search for you ourselves, and Queen Historia appointed Captain Kenny Ackerman as our guide --” 

“Hanji,” Levi groaned as the ropes loosened and slipped from round his shin. His muscles screamed in relief with their newfound freedom. Mike and Hanji moved to his other leg. “Where is he?”

“Who --”

“-- I reckon I don’t believe a word you hiss, Snake,” Kenny boomed through the theater, leering. “What should I break next, hm?” 

“Please --” 

Kenny dropped the man’s mangled arm and went for the other. The man knew better than to resist him as he forced his fist to splay his fingers out. From his belt, Kenny flicked his switchblade free, and he pressed the blade to the finger’s base. 

“You beg for mercy, but, tell me, how many times did my boy beg for mercy too and you gave it to him?” 

The man stiffened beneath him and wept. 

“Kenny, that’s enough,” Erwin came forth, stepping over bodies. 

“Erwin,” Levi breathed his name through his hitching lungs. The ropes fell from his leg, and Hanji touched his shoulder, mindful of the bruises and bites on his trap. 

“I’m gonna lift you up so we can reach your elbows,” she said, a look passing between her and Mike. 

She gripped his shoulders and pushed him forward. His insides squirmed awfully as he shifted. Cum leaked from his still gaping hole. Gasping, Levi sat up on the pedestal, legs still bent and cold toes numb. Nausea pooled at the base of his stomach as he looked around the theater wildly. 

Across from him, Erwin stood at the edge of the stage. He sheathed his single blade. Blood splatters and viscera stained his white pants black. Those blue eyes held Levi’s. The lines on his face, the pull of his thin, split lips -- it all told of something within Levi Erwin hadn’t seen before. His gaze wandered over the green and yellow and purple constellations left by angry hands against the cream of his skin. As violence churned his guts, Erwin did not let himself think about what the slaughtered men at his feet did to Levi. Not yet. His lips parted softly, and he moved, drawn to his Captain like a moth to a flame. 

Mike’s blade eased through the bindings on Levi’s wrists. Gingerly, Hanji pulled them away, and Levi cried out. His head dropped, his busted chin scraping his heaving chest as his arms fell limply to his sides. The blood staining his skin had grown sticky as it dried, and it cracked in places as he shakily rolled his shoulders. He --  _ everything  _ hurt. 

“Levi,” his commander spoke through the thickness in his throat. His eyes surveyed Levi’s injuries, his brows pinched. All he wanted to do was reach out and touch him. However, the fear of hurting him stayed his hand. 

But Levi couldn’t stay away. It was like his world’s center had realigned itself, and he ached to be where he belonged again. Swallowing the pain that forced noises from his chest, Levi shuffled on the pedestal. The sheet slipped in the blood, and he threw his leaden legs over the edge. His feet hit the floor, and he fell. As his knees buckled beneath his weight, Erwin lunged forward and caught him. Slowly, they sank to the ground. 

Then, there was nothing but them. Levi’s arms burned as they slipped around Erwin’s neck, a hurt so keen it could only ever be from Erwin. A tender hand rubbed his back, traced over the runs of his ribs and the dips of his hips. As Levi shivered, he knew Erwin was the only warmth his tired bones would ever crave to bask in, like he was the fucking sun and he was caught in his orbit. Levi buried his broken nose against Erwin’s chest. His tan jacket scraped his face as he breathed in pine and vanilla, rust and salt. His cheek rested on top of Levi’s crown. As they gently rocked back and forth together, Levi knew he had come home. 

“I thought I lost you,” Erwin murmured into his hair. 

With trembling hands, Levi pulled him closer. 

“I made peace with never being at your side again.” 

Erwin’s chest rumbled. 

“I’ll always find you. Always.” 

Blinking furiously, he nodded. The ache in his arms became too much, so they slipped down Erwin’s chest. His fingers, numb and stiff and clumsy, fisted Erwin’s button down. Levi almost laughed when he felt the steady heartbeat just beneath the surface he desperately clung to. 

With his switchblade tucked away, Kenny dragged the sex trafficker back onto his feet. His hand clamped over his nape and forced him to where the Scouts circled their Captain and Commander.

“This fucker’s got a nasty case of lockjaw.” Kenny squeezed the man, his fingertips pressing into his throat. “Won’t tell me where Blackteeth’s at, so we’ve gotta hurry this sweet reunion along before this lot gets some very unexpected reinforcements.” 

He threw the man towards Hanji. She staggered for a moment before she gripped his bicep while he tried to cower against her side. Kenny pushed past Mike and knelt beside Erwin and Levi, who only peeked at him from Erwin’s chest. 

“Hey Squirt,” Kenny grinned. Dried blood speckled his weathered cheeks. Levi’s eyes narrowed as Kenny shouldered his filthy trench coat off and balled it up between them. “Put this on so yer scrawny ass ain’t hangin’ out for all the Underground to see.” 

Wincing, Levi took it from him and shifted to put it on while staying in Erwin’s lap. He helped him shove his arms through the overly long sleeves. Its hem hung past his fingers.

“Want my hat too? Slap that on yer head, and it’ll be just like old times.” 

“Fuck off,” Levi scowled, his fingers fumbling with the belt. Kenny rolled his eyes. 

“Let’s get the fuck out of this shithole.” Kenny stood up and stared at Levi as he rested his head against Erwin, his black eyes drooping with exhaustion. 

“I don’t think I can walk.” Levi let his lids close. “I can’t feel my feet still.” 

“What the fuck do ya want me to do? Fuckin’ carry you out of here?” 

Erwin’s brows furrowed, hot with shame as he shared a look with Mike. With only one arm, Erwin could not possibly carry Levi out of the Underground himself, and he hated himself for it.

“I’ve got him.” 

Mike gripped Kenny’s shoulder before he lumbered down to scoop Levi up. Weakly, his hands shot up to clutch his lapel, but they slipped back down; all of his strength had been spent. 

“You smell like a fucking dog,” Levi grumbled against Mike, his words slurring together as sleep began to claim him. 

“You don’t smell too sweet yourself, Captain,” Mike sniffed, smirking. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! 
> 
> One of my greatest struggles as a writer is writing emotional reactions. I think that's because I'm not a super emotional person, & I express myself through physical actions. This chapter was supposed to be one of the most tender in this story, and I really hope that came across as much as possible. 
> 
> Now, I need to sit down & reevaluate what direction I want this story to go in. I've got a few ideas, but we'll see what I come up with. Because the holidays are just around the corner, I probably won't have another chapter up before the New Year. So, I'll see y'all in 2021 -- pray it's a better year than whatever shit show 2020 was.


	7. Resilience: A Man Unbreakable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a separate playlist just for this chapter! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1HKr4y9wjZhWBAtHAT1PRq

Sasha and Jean were sent ahead to inform Queen Historia of the mission’s success and to secure transport from the Underground’s surface entrance back to the palace. The rest of the Scouts and their prisoner trudged up the Stairway, lit by sparse intervals of torches. Their lowlight cast flickering shadows about the hanging stalactites. Grimy water dripped down onto their heads as they made their way up the stone steps, bootsteps echoing through the silence. 

Although consciousness came and went for Levi throughout their journey, he was wide awake now. Mike had moved him onto his back, tired arms slinking under his knees to hoist him up. What little strength Levi had to begin with had long since left his muscles. His arms were loosely draped over Mike’s shoulders, chin resting on his bouncing trap. 

It hadn’t really sunk in yet. He was surrounded by familiar faces that peered at him like they didn’t know him anymore. Everything -- his  _ freedom _ \-- felt surreal. Levi had accepted that the hell he had stumbled back into would only come to an end, would only be satisfied by all he could bleed. 

Just a few steps before them, the surface doors came into view, tall enough to disappear into the cavernous darkness above them. When he saw them, Levi perked up, lifting his head off of Mike’s shoulder. 

“Put me down,” Levi croaked, squirming in Mike’s grip. 

“What?” Mike’s arms tightened around his legs. 

The Scouts stopped just shy of the doors and turned to watch Levi scrambling, eyes wide. Then the Commander came to stand beside him and Mike. A gentle hand squeezed Levi’s shoulder, calming him. He paused, muscles already weeping with exhaustion.

“Let me help you,” Erwin said quietly.

Levi nodded, swallowing past the rawness in his throat. Mike gave Erwin a look as he sunk low enough for Levi to slip off his back. Erwin gripped Levi’s bicep, easing him down. Levi stumbled backwards against Erwin’s chest. Clumsy fingers gripped his coat lapel for steadiness as he leaned into him. While Mike straightened, Erwin’s arm wrapped around his waist. Levi winced when his Commander’s fingertips unwittingly brushed the bruises hidden beneath Kenny’s stained trench coat. Erwin pulled him into his side and willed his strength to be shared with his Captain. 

“You lead the way,” Erwin said quietly. Owlishly, he peered down at Levi’s bowed head, his shaking shoulders digging into his ribs. 

Barefoot, a tentative step forward became two and then three. When they stopped for a break at seven steps, the Scouts flanking either side of them like statues, Levi let go of Erwin. His hand traced the length of Levi’s arm before he slipped out of reach. Levi stood before the Underground doors and didn’t hesitate to throw them open, not with his fleeting strength but with the rebelliousness and the  _ resilience  _ of who he is and was: a man unbreakable. 

Sunlight flooded the stairwell, lit the Scouts’ faces like it did beyond the Walls. Levi tried to run, but his numb feet only stumbled into the quiet street. He listened to the  _ clop clop clop _ of horses, the creaking of their wooden carriages, merchants bartering, and townsfolk laughing. The breeze tossed his blood-matted bangs across his forehead. Levi closed his eyes, felt the sun warm his tear-stained cheeks. A single pair of bootsteps made their way to stand beside him. A hand met the small of his back. The faint smell of pine and vanilla wafted over him.

“Let’s go home,” Erwin spoke, another chord to Levi’s melodious freedom. 

***

Steam plumes filled the wet room, fogged the wall length mirror as Erwin, firm hands gripping Levi’s arms, eased him into the filling tub. Queen Historia set aside the palace apartments that were second only to her own quarters, so Erwin insisted Levi take advantage of the luxurious bath soaps. He perched on the tub’s basin, opening one of the bottles before passing it to Levi. 

Erwin’s eyes stayed low, avoiding his gaze. He couldn’t look at him without seeing how those men had hurt the man he secretly loved, monstrous men whose corpses would rot away in some hidden Underground pit. But it was too soon for satisfaction to settle comfortably into the pit of his stomach. 

The water licked up Levi’s ankles. He flexed his toes, marveling at how they grew so warm while he rubbed feeling back into the dips where the ropes had bound him. Levi leaned forward to take the bottle from Erwin. His nose wrinkled when he sniffed it. 

“I didn’t escape the Underground to turn around and smell like somebody’s grandma,” he quipped and handed the bottle back to Erwin. He chuckled, shaking his head.

“I guess you’re right.” Erwin squinted at the bottles’ labels before popping open a cap. Talking to each other so easily was still a fragile thing for both of them. His chest clenched with nerves. After giving the soap a quick sniff, he passed it to Levi. “I think you’ll like this one.” 

Levi took the bottle from him and smelled it. Then he breathed deeply, eyes fluttering closed and shoulders relaxing against the porcelain tub. 

“ _ Oh _ .” A tear traced down his cheek. “It smells like lemons.” 

“I know.”

‘I know you thought you’d lost this,’ he wanted to say, but, after years of silently reading each other, he knew Levi understood what he meant. 

“Let’s pour this into the water.”

Choppily, Levi nodded and handed the bottle back to Erwin. As he poured it beneath the faucet’s spray, Levi drew his legs to his chest, arms circling his shins. His chin rested on top of his knees. 

“Thank you,” he mumbled, wiping his face with his thumb. 

The roar of the bathtub filling made everything else quiet. Erwin sank to the tiles, his back against the porcelain while Levi washed himself. When the water grew murky, Erwin drained and refilled it for him. Every so often, Levi paused his scrubbing to look at him. It was a bone-deep dread that he’d blink and Erwin would be gone and the walls would melt and he’d feel the pedestal’s sheets beneath his back and, and the  _ hands  _ and --

“Levi, breathe.” Erwin turned, brows furrowed as he grasped his shoulder. 

Levi panted, noisily gulping down air like a drowning man. Fear blew his black eyes wide as they darted about the room before settling on Erwin’s face, brows hidden beneath his wet hair. His hand moved to Levi’s nape, and he squeezed, grounding him. He traced his jaw line, gentle over the places that were split open and swollen. 

Their gazes met, and there was a spark of recognition within Levi. 

Swallowing, Erwin dared to cup his face. Levi leaned into the touch like he was starving. Cracked lips parted when he exhaled. Erwin brushed back his plastered bangs from his forehead. Hesitantly, his thumb stroked his thin brow, rubbing his furrow until he relaxed. A few moments passed before his breathing returned to normal and the tenseness left his muscles. Exhausted, Levi’s hand draped across Erwin’s wrist, finding his steady pulse. It only served to reassure Levi that this -- that  _ Erwin  _ \-- was real. 

Levi’s eyes opened. He leaned back into the porcelain again. His washcloth sunk beneath the water. The sudden emptiness in Erwin’s palm burned, and his hand fell to rest along the length of the basin. His fingertips dipped beneath the water’s bubbly surface.

“I’ll be okay.” It was Levi’s promise to the man who didn’t know how deeply he loved him. He stared at the faucet, avoiding Erwin’s all-too-knowing scrutiny. 

“Mike should’ve gotten you tea and dinner by now. Do you want to get out of here?” Erwin knew better than to push Levi, who chewed his cheek. He looked at his pruney fingers. A begrudging sigh escaped his lips as he stood up. Erwin followed his lead and held out a towel for him. 

“I’ll meet you in the other room. I put your clothes by the sink.” 

Then, as the wet room door clicked closed behind Erwin, Levi found himself alone with nothing but the draining tub to keep him company. Mindful of his soothed wounds, he wiped dripping water from himself. Hopping on one foot while he dried the other, he moved to the sink counter. Brushing his teeth was a dream. He could’ve cried at the first taste of sweet mint, reveled in the way it almost burned his mouth. After a few moments, his hand slowed, and he leaned over the basin to wipe the steam from the mirror. The ghost of his reflection stared back at him; eyes black and blue and hollow; bruised throat, collar bones, and shoulders sharp. Hickeys and teeth marks as many as stars broke his skin. Red lines from rope were raw on his limbs. Levi didn’t know the man looking at him. He spit into the sink and dressed quickly, avoiding the mirror until he was gone. 

The apartments the Queen gave the Scouts were beyond anything Levi had ever seen. Across from the wet room were wall-length windows that pushed open to a balcony overlooking the palace gardens. Bookshelves lined the walls. Hanji squinted at the titles on their unworn spines, mumbling to herself. A desk was nestled into a corner, equipped with new parchment and a fresh bottle of ink. A plate of dinner and tea were placed atop it. Mike sat on its edge. At the center of the room was the largest bed to promise Levi sleep. At the mattress’ foot, Erwin and a man he didn’t recognize spoke quietly to each other. 

The wet room door slammed shut behind Levi’s back, and everyone turned to him. Color bloomed up his neck when all the eyes met his. The unknown man, dressed in a fine suit beneath a long white coat, smiled as he stepped forward and warmly outstretched his hand. 

“Hello Captain Levi.” His teeth were perfectly straight: high birth. Levi sneered, but the man didn’t falter. “I’m Seymour Figgs, and I’m one of Queen Historia’s personal doctors. It’s such an honor to meet a hero like yourself, Humanity’s Strongest Soldier.” 

When Levi didn’t take his hand, Seymour swept his arm across his stomach and bowed deeply. Levi shrank back a step, narrowly avoiding the all too close contact. The doctor straightened, still wearing that fanciful smile. Levi turned towards Erwin, who looked guiltily amused at their interaction. 

“Uh, thanks.” Levi shoved his fists into his pockets. Seymour shuffled from foot to foot for a moment and looked around the room as if searching for help -- or a way to escape the increasingly awkward situation. 

Mike stood from his desk perch and went to Hanji. Grabbing her elbow, he led her to the apartment door. Levi’s brows furrowed when Mike threw it open. 

“We won’t be far!” Hanji waved her goodbyes as they left the room. 

“What’s going on?” Half moons pressed into Levi’s palms. Desperately, he ached for a pocket knife. Erwin passed Seymour. 

“Doctor Figgs is here to perform your physical exam,” he said as he came to stand beside him. 

“Erwin,” Levi, ripping his hands out of his pockets, took a step backwards. “I don’t want to do that.” 

“It’s alright.” Erwin reached for him, rubbed his shoulder. Levi was captivated by those blue eyes. “We can take it at your pace. I’ll be with you for every step of the way. You won’t be alone with the doctor, even though he is an outstanding individual.” 

Levi looked at Seymour, who nodded in agreement. His gaze fell to his clean socks. The last thing he wanted was unknown hands to touch him, but what could he even do to convince the people around him he wasn’t ready for that yet? So he didn’t fight it.

“Let’s get this bullshit over with.” 

Filled with gentle coaxing, a handful of minutes passed before Levi found himself lying on the bed, pantsless and with his head in Erwin’s lap. His fingers carded through his damp hair, calluses scratching his undercut. When the doctor’s gloved hands began to poke and prod and carefully squeeze his genitals, he froze. 

“Levi,” Erwin held him closer. “While I count, slowly breathe through your nose.” His lids closed, and he followed his Commander’s lead. 

“One, two, three --” Doctor Figgs spread Levi’s legs and adjusted him so his feet were flush with the bed spread, knees in the air -- “four, five, six.” 

“I’m going to perform the anal examination now, Captain Levi --” 

He squirmed in Erwin’s lap, sheets scratchy beneath his back and mattress marble-like. Erwin’s chest pressed against his cheek when he breathed, but Levi only smelled stale beer and the Underground’s musty air. His heart leapt into his throat as the doctor’s fingers spread his bruised ass cheeks apart. A whimper escaped him when his hole stretched uncomfortably. 

“-- Now exhale while I count --” Erwin dipped down and touched their foreheads together. He didn’t care that they weren’t alone. The tip of his cold nose traced Levi’s broken bridge. His breath ghosted over the planes of his face. 

“-- You’ll feel a bit of pressure --” An insistent finger pushed past his entrance.

“-- Ten, nine, eight, seven --” 

His insides tightened, rebelling against the unwanted penetration. Gasping, Levi’s eyes shot open, but he saw nothing. Hell -- looming, wicked smiles and grotesque moaning and ice in his veins -- rushed back to him.

“Fuck,” he shrieked, lashing out. As Levi wrenched Erwin’s fingers out of his hair, he kicked. His heel caught Seymour’s chin, whose teeth clacked together grossly when he flew backwards. The floor rattled with a heavy thud. Levi rolled over the edge, landing harshly on his hands and knees. Groaning, the doctor crawled to the bookshelf and pulled himself up. Erwin fell to his knees beside Levi as his Captain collapsed in on himself. 

“Levi, you’re in Queen Historia’s palace. She set aside this beautiful apartment for you,” Erwin spoke low while his hand didn’t hesitate to rub his back. With his forehead pressed to the polished wood, Levi couldn’t stop the dry heaving from shaking his entire body. “You’re here with the Scouts where you’re safe from anyone who would want to hurt you.” 

The apartment door flew open. As Doctor Figgs wiped blood from his split lip, Hanji and Mike rushed into the room. Hanji threw an arm around the doctor’s shoulders, grinning nervously. 

“Even though our Captain’s tiny, he can sure pack a punch.” She barked out a laugh. Blabbering on about Levi’s compact size and subsequent muscle density, Hanji guided Seymour from the room just as Mike rounded the bed corner. 

“You have no reason to be scared, Levi,” Erwin cooed. He shared a glance with Mike, who nodded and left them alone. The door closed quietly behind him. 

They stayed on the floor like that for hours. Evening stole the afternoon light, cast the apartment in swathes of indigo. The dry heaving faded into shivering. His breath remained fast and shallow beneath Erwin’s hand. Eventually, with his knees tucked to his chest, Levi slumped against Erwin’s outstretched legs. Erwin rubbed Levi’s ribs, careful to not touch any of his exposed skin. 

“I’m sorry,” Levi murmured, breaking the silence. His eyes squeezed shut. “I didn’t mean to hurt him.” 

“It’s alright --” 

“-- No, it’s not. Erwin, I lost control.” 

“Levi,” Erwin’s shoulders fell. Bundled against his body, Levi looked smaller than Erwin ever remembered. His hand stilled. “Everyone’s just thankful you’re alive and with us again.” 

Levi rolled onto his back and looked up at Erwin. The shadows softened his features but couldn’t hide his pain. A lock of blond fell out of place, caught the moonlight. His hand reached for Erwin, cupping his cheek. Scruff scraped his fingers. 

“I’m scared I’m not me anymore, that who I was died on that pedestal with those pigs,” he breathed. 

Erwin’s hand settled over Levi’s, fingers warm on his scarred knuckles.

“You choose what breaks you,” Erwin whispered, leaning into his touch. His jaw lowered, and, as they held each other’s gaze, Erwin pressed his lips to the rope burn on Levi’s wrist. Shocked, his breath caught in his lungs. “But, no matter what happens to us, you’ll always be. . .”

Levi’s hand moved, brushed his hair back into place before gracing his nape. Ever so gently, he pulled him lower. 

“Be what?” Warmth emanated between their faces’ nearness. Erwin’s nose ghosted over the bow of Levi’s lips. As their eyes closed, the blood rushing in their ears was deafening. 

“My love.” 

Erwin closed the distance between them. Tasting him, Levi sucked in sharply. His other hand twisted into his hair as his tongue traced Erwin’s bottom lip. He kissed him slowly, tenderly, like if he let go they’d never find each other again. 

And Levi knew he would never love another. 


End file.
